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14th of February 2025 Valentine’s Day & Anita’s Birthday so happy 255th birthday Anita xxx
But the 14th of February 2014 was also the day I was first diagnosed – 11 years ago “You have cancer” and that not only changed a day that we have always celebrated but changed everything for years to come.
I am still in remission 7 years now since Feb 2018. As per my last article, I am awaiting an appointment for a CT Scan which has been delayed.
It also feels like 11 years, we have lost so much and so many over these years:
Anita’s Dad Barry very suddenly was taken from us, a man I miss so much as a trusted confident
My Mum in 2018 – I am still grieving for her 7 years later
One of my closest friends Terry Green – lost to sarcoma cancer 2023, another very trusted confident
Hard to believe these 3 are gone, life is starting to feel lonely without them. Our family was always small and after the experiences following my diagnoses in 2014 our friend circle got very small.
Since 2019 we have moved house 3 times, Cork to Kerry and finally Galway. These moves have had a tonne of stress with them but we managed it together and still do.
Midway through these moves Anita was also diagnosed with VIN Cancer and that was February 2020. No wonder we don’t look forward to February’s. Anita got lucky in some ways that they could remove the VIN surgically without the need for Chemo or Radiotherapy and she has been in remission now 5 years and long may that continue. Couple of scares over the past number of years but all’s good.
On my side out of the 11 years I worked for 6 years during all this shit, but the last 5 years have been dry, not through the lack of trying and it can be soul destroying feeling unwanted in the industry I grew up with. The house moves helped to restore some savings but that never last long. Constant medical bills hurt, over the past month in excess cost (not covered by national health insurance or private medical insurance) I am down by a little over €1,000, and more to come as the likelyhood is that the CT Scan (NTAP CT Scan) and follow up consultant meetings will hit at another €500. All of this comes out of the tiny savings we have left. But fuck it I am in Remission and for that I have to be grateful. I have said many times that there are two types of workers, those that work to live and those that live to work. I consider myself as someone that always lived to work, in all my years of work I never went after the higher wage offers, money was never an issue but looking back now it feels like a regret not accepting the big offers that I got. We can’t change the past and we live for the future. Sounds kind of depressing but we are together even with all the shit, we have a roof over our heads and food on the table.
I am looking at ways to improve our financial problem’s but without work that is difficult. We did try the GoFundme approach in 2017 without much success, the majority of funds raised came from friends to whom I am indebted to and more than grateful. I am open to suggestions on how to create a good GoFundme campaign or something like it. We tried selling on ETSY and eBay but that has gone dry. As for fulltime work I have gone after everything without any success. With or without another diagnoses medically over the next 5 years will cost me about €8,000 or more, if I relapse this will treble . We can’t sell the house now as the market in Ireland is in limited , if we sell there is little to buy anywhere and expecting to make a profit on the sale and another purchase would not be like the last sale. To sell the house and attempt to rent would only further plunge us into losses.
We have looked at other options but everyone of them would need funding. It’s a catch 22 situation and I think a lot of decisions will be made after the current round of test are completed.
You get tired of the constant rollercoaster and like I said in my last article I really need to get off the rollercoaster for a while, too many downs and not enough ups at this stage , so it would be nice to walk away from it all. Maybe like everyone else the wish to win the lotto might happen,,,,, and the world will live in peace the odds on either are unlikely.
And heres the dangerous one. The “what if”
And by dangerous I mean it’s something that I have warned people so many times over the years to avoid but I am making an exception for myself today, I think I have earned it.
What if in 2014 I was not diagnosed with Cancer, would my life be different. Straight yes to that. I would still have my business or at least employment, without my medical history I can’t see myself even been unemployed. It would mean that we would not have sold the house I bought in 2019 as we would not have needed to refinance ourselves, the minimum in savings would be the €25,000 cost to maintain remission plus savings from paid employment. I would not have sold the only car I seriously loved and so on. I have no doubt that people I have lost would have passed anyway but I would have been in a financial position to have seen them one of them before he passed and have attended his funeral. Seriously to consider this is just dangerous – Does Cancer change things ? Yes it changes everything. And I mean everything. The sad part is that it’s not battling Cancer itself it’s the cost of living with cancer .
But the what if can be What if I won the Lotto today .. It would change nothing that I have experienced over the past 11 years but I would be in a good financial position not to have that concern hanging over my head day in day out.
You never know whats around the corner – that was partly answered for me in 2014 but the same question remains 11 years later.
Back to the real world for now
Happy Birthday Anita 😇 and happy Valentine’s Day everyone
And as I posted this article I got a call from the hospital for the CT Scan… the cost of the scan is not covered by private medical or state health care…€520 just for the scan and consultant fees to follow. We are catching up with the Americans on medical costs. The scan date Wednesday 19th February
Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Awareness Ireland 